Happy new year

happynewyear

It’s about that time again where we all wish each other a happy new year and we shake each other’s hands and give kisses to every darn person we see (whoever came up with that crazy idea?). It’s also the time where people make new years resolutions. You know, the regular stuff like ‘I’m really going to stop smoking now‘, ‘Time to start eating healthier‘ and the all-time favorite: ‘I’ll definitely work out more!‘.

I’ve never been one for new years resolutions. Honestly, why make a big change during the most depressing and boring months of the year? I don’t really see the big appeal. Why not do something like ‘spring-time resolutions’? You know, so you can do the big change while being distracted by all things summer? It just seems more logical to me. Or even better: make changes whenever needed/wanted!

Anyway, I do have some goals for next year. I really need to work out what I want to do with the rest of my life. IT has been a lot of fun and I loved the challenges I’ve had there. It’s just hard to find a place that keeps challenging my mind enough without falling into all routine tasks that make me so tired. Ideally, challenge-wise, I’d pursue a consultancy job. One which puts me on different projects at different companies, but I’m just not sure if I’m cut out for something like that. It needs other qualities that I’m missing.

I did figure out that what I’m doing right now isn’t the right fit for me. It’s a good company (with very nice co-workers!) and my current skill-set fits quite perfectly, but I just can’t seem to be happy there. I decended into another burn-out and I can’t seem to really climb out of it. I’ve been doing more hours every couple of weeks, but I just can’t seem to focus and think. I know I’m smart, but the last year and a half, I haven’t felt like it (except the first few months at this new job).

My previous job was very challenging in the beginning and I learned so much. I loved it and it gave me so much energy. Looking back on things now, I can pin-point quite clearly where things went wrong. I just can’t deal very well with a lack of control. I had many responsibilities which I couldn’t live up to, because a new partner made so many changes to our platform. They coded it all completely shut, so I couldn’t change a thing and couldn’t even troubleshoot properly anymore. All my warnings fell on deaf ears and all the interesting work I once had got moved to our new partner. I just felt like some kind of fancy helpdesk by the end of things.

My current job has potential, but I don’t really feel like I’m in control either. It’s a shame, but I can’t clear up the fuzziness in my head while trying to properly re-integrate here. It’s a bit of a scrambled mess in my head right now, which leads me to wonder whether I should stick with IT or do something completely different. I love being the link between IT and the company. Coming up with ways IT can help the company, streamline processes and just make people’s daily jobs quicker and easier. It’s just that my head won’t work clearly right now. Finding a job like that is hard and applying for one right now just doesn’t seem fair to either party.

My head is just screaming for peace and quiet, but knowing me, once everything settles down, I’ll be missing the mental challenges. I enjoy cooking and baking. I’ve been thinking of making and selling things. I’ve been playing around with the idea of doing anything food-wise. I’m just not sure if it’ll be enough for my mind.

So yes, my main goal for next year is to figure out what the heck I want to be doing! Besides that, I definitely want to continue cooking and baking. It’s a good way to reduce screen-time (much needed). I’ve been messing around with making my own chocolate the last couple of days, which has been a lot of fun. I just need to figure out how to make it less intense. I like dark chocolate, but my boyfriend (along with many others) much prefers the milky kind.

Other goals.. well getting better at archery is one thing! We’ve been doing that for a few months now and it’s lots of fun. We ordered a bow for me, which will be arriving today I hope! That way I can practice at my boyfriend’s father’s house too. I should also get out more during summer. Maybe pick up photography again. I was quite good, but I haven’t done much with it the last couple of years. I don’t have the peace of mind to actually see the great shots right now.

So that was a longer story than I was going for. It’s good though, to write about stuff. To get some peace and quiet in your head, right?

Wait, I haven’t actually done this yet, have I? I wish you all a happy new year! I hope you reach your goals, or get one step further towards them! All while having fun aswell, ofcourse!

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